I'm not really dead...

It just feels like I've had the life sucked out of me while being pulled in so many different directions. Kind of a long story.

I never imagined life to be like this when I signed my life away to the open road. In fact, I never imagined my life taking such twist heading down the stretch. I thought I would just travel a little and get away from life back home but it didnt happen that way. To be honest, my Vegas trip sucked gorilla tits. After that, things just fell apart back home and more friendships went up in flames. And DFW turned out not to be that interesting. Even that went up in flames, it seems. There's just so much turmoil that it feels like I'm walking through ruins. The remains of everything that was but now ceases to exist.

My abstinence streak of no alcohol or smoking is still going. It's been about 2 months since I last had a beer and it's probably been over a year since I touched a cigarette. The no drinking policy isn't going to last forever, I know that. However the most that it will ever evolve to is 1 or 2 drinks with good company. No more getting hammered, as it's pointless not knowing what you did the night before. In addition, I have been practicing on being a good Christian. All that means is I've put effort into living more honest by practicing good morals and trusting God.

As far as love goes, no more fairy tale stuff. I'm neither looking or sitting around waiting for it to come around. It's just another distraction that's not worth getting excited about. And in all reality, it's pretty non-existent for me.

There's a question I'm asked pretty much everyday that I seem not able to have answer for. When are you coming back? You know, I really don't know. It's kinda hard to answer that when you can't exactly go home. It's not something I can type in Expedia.com to be able to tell you.

Things wont ever be the same again, and I accept that. I'm not the same anymore. I'm sure I'm not the only one either but that's how it has to be. I'm not begging for it to be same again but I will be choosing how I want it to be for me.

And that's really all I can do now.