People like us, we are always misunderstood...

No matter which words I use, it's still hard for some people to comprehend my life. It's not easy nor always fun. I'm not rich either. And there's no romance in my life, but my heart glows for things other than what's advertised on tv. Make sense? This life wasn't meant to be indulged in sin, but rather in altruism, doing kind things for strangers and helping to make a difference. I can't stop all humanity from tearing itself apart, but I'd like to think that I'm able to lend a hand to those who need guidance. You'll never see me or get to know me though, because I'm always on a different page. Those who do know me close enough to know my best kept secrets are my allies in life who I can depend on whenever I feel lost. I'm not trying to be someone else. This is just who I am down to my core. I still believe in values and the virtues that make oneself an honest human being.

My only desire is truth.

I'm doing it

and it feels great.

I've been sober a little over 2 months now and it feels really awesome. It feels wierd saying the word "sober", but it's been that long since I last had a drink. I've fought off all temptation of consuming alcohol and succeeded at making alcohol a very unnecessary and unimportant part of my life. I can't tell you how happy I am about this. The streak is not going to stay perfect forever but at least it's not going to be something that will become a vice. It was never really a vice, but I think I've pointed out before how I made some bad choices because of it. The party life isnt for me and I actually feel healthier and much more relaxed than if I was drinking. I hope you can feel my excitement because I really am happy about this. :)

Take This Challenge

This is something that I was thinking of just now. I challenge everyone not to say any type of racial remarks when seeing a person different than themselves. Whenever you describe a person don't say african-american, black, mexican, hispanic, white, anglo, asian, or anything like that. Let's get rid of the racial slurs and stereotypes. The only thing words like majority and minority do is destroy the goal of reaching unity. No race is superior than the other and race is just a word that keeps everyone seperated. Sure, we all share different cultures and traditions, but the beauty in that is we're all part of this wonderful mosaic that covers the face of the earth.

I'm calling for the end of ignorance. Go ahead, try it.

I'm not really dead...

It just feels like I've had the life sucked out of me while being pulled in so many different directions. Kind of a long story.

I never imagined life to be like this when I signed my life away to the open road. In fact, I never imagined my life taking such twist heading down the stretch. I thought I would just travel a little and get away from life back home but it didnt happen that way. To be honest, my Vegas trip sucked gorilla tits. After that, things just fell apart back home and more friendships went up in flames. And DFW turned out not to be that interesting. Even that went up in flames, it seems. There's just so much turmoil that it feels like I'm walking through ruins. The remains of everything that was but now ceases to exist.

My abstinence streak of no alcohol or smoking is still going. It's been about 2 months since I last had a beer and it's probably been over a year since I touched a cigarette. The no drinking policy isn't going to last forever, I know that. However the most that it will ever evolve to is 1 or 2 drinks with good company. No more getting hammered, as it's pointless not knowing what you did the night before. In addition, I have been practicing on being a good Christian. All that means is I've put effort into living more honest by practicing good morals and trusting God.

As far as love goes, no more fairy tale stuff. I'm neither looking or sitting around waiting for it to come around. It's just another distraction that's not worth getting excited about. And in all reality, it's pretty non-existent for me.

There's a question I'm asked pretty much everyday that I seem not able to have answer for. When are you coming back? You know, I really don't know. It's kinda hard to answer that when you can't exactly go home. It's not something I can type in Expedia.com to be able to tell you.

Things wont ever be the same again, and I accept that. I'm not the same anymore. I'm sure I'm not the only one either but that's how it has to be. I'm not begging for it to be same again but I will be choosing how I want it to be for me.

And that's really all I can do now.