People like us, we are always misunderstood...

No matter which words I use, it's still hard for some people to comprehend my life. It's not easy nor always fun. I'm not rich either. And there's no romance in my life, but my heart glows for things other than what's advertised on tv. Make sense? This life wasn't meant to be indulged in sin, but rather in altruism, doing kind things for strangers and helping to make a difference. I can't stop all humanity from tearing itself apart, but I'd like to think that I'm able to lend a hand to those who need guidance. You'll never see me or get to know me though, because I'm always on a different page. Those who do know me close enough to know my best kept secrets are my allies in life who I can depend on whenever I feel lost. I'm not trying to be someone else. This is just who I am down to my core. I still believe in values and the virtues that make oneself an honest human being.

My only desire is truth.

I'm doing it

and it feels great.

I've been sober a little over 2 months now and it feels really awesome. It feels wierd saying the word "sober", but it's been that long since I last had a drink. I've fought off all temptation of consuming alcohol and succeeded at making alcohol a very unnecessary and unimportant part of my life. I can't tell you how happy I am about this. The streak is not going to stay perfect forever but at least it's not going to be something that will become a vice. It was never really a vice, but I think I've pointed out before how I made some bad choices because of it. The party life isnt for me and I actually feel healthier and much more relaxed than if I was drinking. I hope you can feel my excitement because I really am happy about this. :)

Take This Challenge

This is something that I was thinking of just now. I challenge everyone not to say any type of racial remarks when seeing a person different than themselves. Whenever you describe a person don't say african-american, black, mexican, hispanic, white, anglo, asian, or anything like that. Let's get rid of the racial slurs and stereotypes. The only thing words like majority and minority do is destroy the goal of reaching unity. No race is superior than the other and race is just a word that keeps everyone seperated. Sure, we all share different cultures and traditions, but the beauty in that is we're all part of this wonderful mosaic that covers the face of the earth.

I'm calling for the end of ignorance. Go ahead, try it.

I'm not really dead...

It just feels like I've had the life sucked out of me while being pulled in so many different directions. Kind of a long story.

I never imagined life to be like this when I signed my life away to the open road. In fact, I never imagined my life taking such twist heading down the stretch. I thought I would just travel a little and get away from life back home but it didnt happen that way. To be honest, my Vegas trip sucked gorilla tits. After that, things just fell apart back home and more friendships went up in flames. And DFW turned out not to be that interesting. Even that went up in flames, it seems. There's just so much turmoil that it feels like I'm walking through ruins. The remains of everything that was but now ceases to exist.

My abstinence streak of no alcohol or smoking is still going. It's been about 2 months since I last had a beer and it's probably been over a year since I touched a cigarette. The no drinking policy isn't going to last forever, I know that. However the most that it will ever evolve to is 1 or 2 drinks with good company. No more getting hammered, as it's pointless not knowing what you did the night before. In addition, I have been practicing on being a good Christian. All that means is I've put effort into living more honest by practicing good morals and trusting God.

As far as love goes, no more fairy tale stuff. I'm neither looking or sitting around waiting for it to come around. It's just another distraction that's not worth getting excited about. And in all reality, it's pretty non-existent for me.

There's a question I'm asked pretty much everyday that I seem not able to have answer for. When are you coming back? You know, I really don't know. It's kinda hard to answer that when you can't exactly go home. It's not something I can type in Expedia.com to be able to tell you.

Things wont ever be the same again, and I accept that. I'm not the same anymore. I'm sure I'm not the only one either but that's how it has to be. I'm not begging for it to be same again but I will be choosing how I want it to be for me.

And that's really all I can do now.

Edward: FUCK!!!!
Edward: What the fuck is he doing?!
Me: Lol!
Me: Yes!!!
Edward: OMG!!!
Me: Noooo!!!
Edward: OHH MY GOD!!!

That was indeed the text conversation after last night's nail biter that ended in a New England Patriots victory over the Houston Texans, 31-30 on an interception return for a TD while the Houston Texans had a 30-24 lead in the final seconds. The extra point sent the Patriots off with a victory in the most intense game of all time.

The statistics of this matchup were crazy. Texans outgunned the Pat's in total offense 424-119. Texans had 9 interceptions. Brady was sacked 3 times in a row. Brady also fumbled once. Patriots had a punt blocked in their own endzone that ended in a safety. Randy Moss did not catch any passes. But at the end of the day, it was an INT returned for a TD that would steal the victory for the Patriots.

It was a total instant classic. Stick that in your highlight reel, ESPN.

Send To Phone

Hello Mexico

Real de Catorce, SLP, Mexico.

What if I would've ventured into Mexico this summer?

I'd much rather live at my grandmother's house in a small remote village in SLP. You do have to work a little to survive, but I'd take that anytime over all this bullshit.

I'll make it a point to go back next summer for at least a month.

Send To Phone

Bayside is a CULT

Ok so I have this wristband right, and it looks something like this:

Let the record show that I love this man. JS.

It's a Bayside wristband, and that there is the lead singer, Anthony Raneri. Cost me $5 at the Bayside show in Mcallen this past May. Regardless of the price, it's worth more to me than just five dollars. I wear it everyday to show who I am. I am juniorcult, and Bayside is my favorite band.

When people out in the streets see the word "CULT" on my wrist they automatically assume it's some sort of paganism, but it's not. Bayside is more than just a band. This CULT isn't about Satan, it's about our way of life. I mark this band as the one with the most influence in my life. I sincerely doubt anything will change that. While I was at one of the lowest points in my life, Bayside was there to get me through the toughest times. I'm greatful for that. They opened up my eyes for me to see what the world has to offer, which isn't much except for what you make of it yourself. There's a common misconception that Bayside is just this "emo" band and makes you want to slice your veins. Well that's bullshit. Listening to Bayside makes me happy everytime that I'm down. I'm sure it does the same for others too. You may think what I say is a lie and that I just did it to be different. Well youre wrong. It isn't a lie. In fact, it's the truth. But you're right. I did it to be different. I did it because I didnt want to be exactly like everyone else out there. I did it so that I could lead a more different,and honest life. And to this day, everything that the majority of the population worships makes me want to throw up. Music, culture, and society is just selling out by the minute and people are buying it. There's only one thing that's not, and it's Bayside. That man, Anthony Raneri, along with Nick Ghanbarian, Jack O'shea and Chris Guglielmo, do what other bands fail to do each time around: Make music that actually means something. And that folks, is what sets them apart, ahead and above any other musical entity. You may not see it on the Billboard charts or on MTV, but it's held dear in our hearts where only they can reach.

"I can understand why people would initially be concerned about it if they love our band and they understand what we're all about. Our music and lyrics are abrasive and they have a tendency to weed out the shit heads. Bayside is not and will never be casual listening. If you don't get it, you don't get it and that's all. If a 30 year old hardcore guys from Boston or a 20 year old Modest Mouse fan in Seattle or 15 year old teeny bopper from Dallas understands our band, like what we're doing and can relate to it in any way, then that's amazing. That's why I make music, so it can help people and give them something to believe in and smile about. I'm not an elitist. I don't want to alienate anyone and it's got nothing to do with money or popularity. You don't have to be a certain level of cool to listen to Bayside. i just want you to get it."

-Anthony Raneri of Bayside

I've noticed that I get along pretty well with people who like Bayside and constantly battle with those who don't. And it's not because I like Bayside. That has nothing to do with it actually. It's just something I've derived from my observations. Those people actually understand better, are smart, mature, good people, and have great personalities for the most part. We're all different, yet united only by one thing; the CULT.

Still think we're emo? Well guess what? We're on a first name basis here, bitch. Ant, Nick, Jack and Chris. That's what we call 'em, and that's how we roll.

ZOMG, Shoez!

This week the beXter and I recieved our TOMS shoes via UPS the same day. I actually got mine first but waited til hers were delivered so that we could open them at the same time. We were so stoked about it, that we decided to get on Skype and see what we got. I'm totally loving them and I think she is too.

I think everyone should order a pair. Theyre super comfortable and come in plenty of dope styles, but more importantly, for every pair that you buy, TOMS gives one away to a child in need.

Oh yeah and my bfff Ally Fresh also ordered 3 pairs and now has a total of 6. Jealousss

My obsession with Mexico football

Ok this one's a little bit overdue. But check it anyway.

Last weekend I had an opportunity to witness two awesome high scoring games in the 2nd leg of the CONCACAF Gold Cup Quarterfinals featuring Guadaloupe vs Costa Rica and Mexico vs Haiti. As predicted, both Latin American teams devoured the itty bitty Caribbean teams in 5-1, and 4-0, respectively.

I was also a part of history that day too. A record sell-out crowd of 82,252 was on hand in what was the first sporting event to ever be hosted at the new Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. The venue itself was super dope as expected and majestic indeed as one approaches to such gargatuan stadium. Despite the crazy traffic jams, it was a pretty swell evening.

Ok you're right, it's picture time:

CONCACAF Gold Cup Quarterfinals
Game 1: Guadaloupe vs Costa Rica
CR 5, GUA 1 -Final

Mexican fans getting ready for tipoff of Game 2: Mexico vs Haiti

Just so you have an idea of how gigantic this thing is.

Feel it in your blood.

Game Time. Mexico wins 4-0 btw.

And just in case you wanted to know...

Mexico defeated Costa Rica in the Gold Cup Semifinals that took place at Soldier Field in Chicago Thursday night. This match proved to be a classic showdown and heart stopping game that went on for 140 minutes and eventually resolved in shootouts. Guillermo Franco scored a goal for Mexico in the 88th minute to make it 1-0 with only 2 minutes to go. However that wouldnt be enough to win it, as CR scored in the final seconds of stoppage time. The game then headed to over time but neither team would score a decisive goal to end the match. Mexico then dished out the win by making all 5 of their tries and blocking 1 attempt from CR. It was truly a nerve wrecking moment for me because I almost couldnt bare watching the shootouts. Mexico now advance to play USA in the Gold Cup Final in East Rutherford, NJ.

Listen To The Math

Sometimes I feel like this may have been the wrong move for me. There are tons of people that I miss back home, BUT...there's always a but...but I did this for myself and not for them. So if I'm feeling the way, in essence it seems logical that I pretty much did this to myself. I don't really know anyone around here except for my sister. There's no one to go to shows or watch sports with and that sucks. The reason I decided to come to Fort Worth was to get away from BS and other distractions at home. Certainly I was right. My parents home is in turmoil and I feel bad that I'm not there to save it from all that destruction. I feel like I bailed, but then again being held responsible for other people's actions isn't a burden I was willing to carry.

And as far as the scene goes. I'm sure all those guys are holding it down pretty well. I've heard great things. I always know that as long as DGE and Goodbar are there I can go get lost and forget my worries for a while.

To be honest, as much as I miss my friends, going back right now is not worth it. There's no way that I can regain some of that stability that was there before. Why go through all that stress again, anyway? Besides, it's not like I'm really gonna stay there for long either. That's one decision that was made from the start.

I guess I'll just have to suck it up. Nothing is constant, except sacrifice. It has always been what makes or breaks me.

To be continued...